I Am a JackAss

There Seems To Be Some Confusion

2010-03-02T14:26:00.000-08:00

Kids are funny. At least mine are. Yours, not so much. No seriously, your kids need to go to comedy camp. The sooner you face up to the facts, the better.

Lately, the wee 2nd grader been having some difficulty at school with one of her classmates, and I asked her if she thought it would be helpful if she saw the school counselor.

Daddy: Do you think seeing the school counselor might be helpful?

Child: Well, that might be helpful. ...Except I don't have any idea what that is.

Daddy: It's a person at school that you go see if you need help or are having trouble with anything.

Child: OH! Our school does have someone like that. They call her the nurse.

Daddy: No, not the nurse. Here, this person. (gets out her school yearbook and pointing to the picture of the school counselor)

Child: Oh, her. I know who that is. That's the school camp counselor.

Daddy: Who's on first?

Also, she has been learning about compound words at school and she told me that she came up with a triple compound word. "Wow! What is it?" I asked. She answered "Catastrophe. Cat, ass and trophy."

One wonders what she thinks a catastrophe might look like.

Songs More About Food Than Buildings

2009-10-16T05:58:00.001-07:00

So, let's say you cook a lot.

Let's also say that sometimes while you're cooking you say to yourself, "I wish I had some songs about food to listen to while I cook."

Then let's further say you are one of the two to three people in the world that actually read this blog.

Come on. Let's say those things all together. En masse, as it were. No? I didn't think so.

So, anyway...

A couple few years ago, I made a "mix tape" of songs about food, or at least songs about food or things that can be made into food. Since I have nothing better to do with my life (I AM writing a blog after all, so you know I've got some spare time), I have uploaded this "combo-lation" into the ether and invite anyone who is interested to have a listen.

Tracks:

Egg Noodles and Ketchup

Angelina - Louis Prima

The Coffee Song -Frank Sinatra

Solid Potato Salad - Nat King Cole Trio

I Like Food - The Descendents

Big Butter and Egg Man - Louis Armstrong and His Hot Five

I'm a Chiquita Banana

Yes, We Have No Bananas - Louis Prima

Roly Poly - Bob Wills and His Texas Playboys

What's On The Menu?

If I Knew You Were Comin' I'da Baked a Cake - Bing & Bob

A Buhthday Cake!

Dos Tacos - Johnny Bush

Eatin' Up All The Food

The Scrapple Song - Robbie Fulks

Save the Bones For Henry Jones - Nat King Cole Trio

Holy Cow! - Think Tree

A Wonderful, Magical Animal

Church - Lyle Lovett

Simcha Time - Mickey Katz

Hamburgers!

Trust Me For a Hamburger - Washboard Rhythm Kings

Animal Crackers In My Soup - Shirley Temple

The Flavorful Road Runner

The Chicken Song - Ernest Tubb & Red Foley

Proclaimation/Nobody Here But Us Chickens - Louis Jordan

The Land of Chocolate

Hot Chocolate - Shonen Knife

Fried Potatoes - Rose Maddox

Heinz Baked Beans - The Who

Beans and Cornbread - Louis Jordan

Shortnin' Bread - The Andrews Sisters

You Want Bread?

DL it right here.

(it's a big file, over 100 mb, so be warned if you're on a crappy connection)

Slower on YouTube

2009-04-18T11:46:00.000-07:00

A couple people asked about putting up some Slower on here. I'm still trying to track down a half-way decent copy of the live set we did on WMBR's Pipeline show. It could take some time, I'm not even sure a good copy exists anymore.

In the meantime, here's a home-made video that Jeff put together for the song "Felix".

As a song, it's a pretty good example of the basic idea behind Slower: Abrasive music with ridiculously silly (and poorly sung) lyrics. We had songs about roach motels, songs based on punchlines to jokes (...because they can!) and songs that were about kicking people out of the band and taking over their spot as vocalist (purely fictional, of course). This particular song is all about the pussy.

Felix:

Some Things Should Not Be Said Out Loud

2009-03-31T09:53:00.001-07:00

Many years ago, shortly after we were married, my wife asked me a question.

She said, "Honey, when you think about me physically, do you think about any one part of me more than the others?"

Well, I wasn't exactly sure what to say. I mean, this isn't the sort of question one is asked every day, and I didn't want to a) offend my young wife or b) sound like some sort of a pervert.

After about 15 seconds of careful consideration I gave her my answer:

"Honey, I think of you as a whole."

Tears of a Clown

2009-03-13T13:37:00.000-07:00

Back in about probably '86 or '87, I recorded this with some of my friends from school. It's a gloomy pissed-off version of Smokey Robinson's song "Tears of a Clown". If I had done it a few years later, the guitars would have been heavier and louder. Apart from that, I still like it.

Nick White is playing drums, I think John Neil is playing piano and workin' that sampler, I'm playing bass, guitar and singing. Chris Brown did the engineering.

It's pretty funny, I think. If you've got anything to say, please be gentle!

Pagliacci!

Sick Kid

2009-03-03T06:03:00.000-08:00

When one child is throwing up in the night, can two children throwing up in the night be far behind? Two children and one parent? The whole lot?

Snow Day!

2009-01-28T06:58:00.000-08:00

The kids are both home today because of the snow. Right now, they are pretending that the 2-year-old is Dora the Explorer and that the 6-year-old is her dog. Seems reasonable.

Later, I will dress them in their snowsuits, open the door and tell them to get the hell outside and to stay out there with no parental supervision until they're shivering and frostbitten.

That's what my Mom used to do, so if it's good enough for me, it's good enough for them.

It amazes me that I actually survived my childhood. I can't imagine letting my kids have the amount of unsupervised outdoor play that I had.

Different times, I know. My mom wasn't afraid of some sex-pervert or priest kidnapping me or getting me hooked on crystal meth, because that sort of paranoia is a more modern phenomenon, but I still can't help but think she was taking unnecessary risks with my well being. Maybe it's because I was her fourth child, and she had been through it all with three other kids already. Or maybe she just didn't love me as much as her other kids. That's probably it.

Stompbox - Travis

2009-01-23T09:11:00.000-08:00

This is the first Stompbox ep called "Travis" from 1992. It was released on Summit Records (which later became Wonderdrug Records) as a cassette only release. We named it "Travis" after our friend Travis Lindquist, who let us appropriate some of his art for the album cover (which is right there to the left).

Travis recently showed up on itunes with incorrect art, and of course none of us are seeing any money from those sales, so I decided I'd put it up here.

Most of Travis was recorded at The Lanes studio in Allston, Ma. It's far from a perfect recording, but I think it's a pretty good representation of what we sounded like at that time, which was a wee bit more metal than we'd eventually turn out.

Tracks: What's it Worth, Chevy S-10, Hate Me, Beer Slide, Saltpeterexitwound, Lobotomizer, Screwing in America.

Many of these tunes were later rerecorded for the album "Stress" which was released on Columbia in 1994.

Here ya go.

Chevy Heston 1992 Demo

2009-01-06T14:28:00.000-08:00

Chevy Heston was a band formed by Matt Martin and Zephan Courtney.

Matt and Zeph are the two constant members of the band, and at various times the other band members included Jeff Turlik (Stompbox/Milligram), Dave Shield (Articles of Faith), me, George Tsiaras (Honkyball), Aaron Martinez (who was in a cool indie rock band the name of which I can't remember), Carol Lee, Roman Bolks...I'm sure I'm forgetting some people.

Chevy Heston put out three albums: Chevy Heston (1994), Destroy (1995) and Come to Sterilized (1996). Also, there was Tomorrow is the Same Thing Again, which was a combination of both Destroy and Come to Sterilized. They're all good and worth checking out. Destroy is lyrically the most disturbing album I've ever heard. Ever.

No, really. EVER.

This particular recording is something we did in Erich Thaler's loft when he lived at the Mu gallery. May of '92. It's 8 track, I think. I don't really remember, could've been 4. The players here are Matt, Zeph, Jeff and me.

Have a listen.

Why is this news exactly?

2009-01-05T05:56:00.001-08:00

Lately I've been noticing an odd trend in the yahoo.com headlines that I read when I check my yahoo email.

"World's oldest man dies."

I've seen this headline over the past few months several times, and it's always about a different world's oldest man. Today, I saw a headline that was something along the lines of "Woman believed to be the world's oldest dies."

Call me old fashioned (Well? I'm waiting.), but if I were asked to make a completely random guess about who was going to die soon, after my first choice pick of the obvious Amy Winehouse, I'd say that the World's Oldest Person would be a no-brainer.

Stompbox Live on Pipeline Feb 92

2009-01-02T08:38:00.000-08:00

This recording is from the radio show "Pipeline" on MIT's fantabulous radio station WMBR. This was back before Stompbox signed to Columbia, and even before we put out the "Travis" ep.

This is what I'd call "true old school Stompbox"....This was before Erich had developed his homeboyish persona, and was more of funlovin' drunk guy. Funny drunk Erich was a lot more fun than Homeboy Erich, but I think the youngsters liked the Homeboy shtick a lot.

When I listen to this recording, I am struck by a few things. For one thing, it's evident that Jeff hadn't given up the whammy bar yet. Additionally, there are a few examples here of Erich's sometimes being, well, let's say inconsistent in the area of pitch.

I am also reminded about how long it took Erich to work out his vocal parts, and then am amazed that he was willing to perform songs live for which he had very clearly not written a single word. One quick listen to this early version of "Chevy S-10" will convince even the casual listener that Erich had no problem with this sort of thing.

There are a LOT of tunes here that we dropped later on. "Lobotomizer", "Secret Sharer", "Pick it Up"...these were all holdovers from the Stompbox days before Jeff and Zeph joined up. As we wrote more songs, these all got dropped from the regular rotation. "Little Lambzy Divey" and "Hate Me" were just too metal. As we grew into the band that we ended up, that stuff just didn't fit in very well with the newer songs.

I am also very thankful that there are no slapped bass parts on this recording. There were a couple early numbers in our repertoire that featured more slappin' and/or poppin' than one ought to be subjected to. Hey, it was the early 90s, it was practically required. Honest, it wasn't my fault!

This stellar recording is the handywork of Carl Plaster, whose engineering skills and drum tuning skills are mighty indeed.

Enjoy? Endure!

Christmas is a Great Big Fucking Drag.

2008-12-29T11:57:00.000-08:00

My kids know that Christmas isn't about the gifts.

No, really.

They do.

Honest.

Would I lie to you?

Facebook is a giant time sink

2008-12-22T07:55:00.001-08:00

Between Facebook and Youtube, all of my free time is going straight down the sink.

Hank Williams is the SHIT.

2008-12-21T12:47:00.000-08:00

That's all there is to it. Not Jr, Not III, I'm talking original recipe. Agree or disagree, though if you disagree you are wrong.

What's Drugs Got to Do With It?

2008-12-20T12:31:00.000-08:00

I spend a bit of time now and then searching the net for write ups or old reviews of Stompbox. What can I say, I've got some extra time on my hands, I guess.

One recurring theme I've found in many of the things I find online is the notion that Stompbox broke up because of drugs, or more specifically the use of heroin by one of the band members.

For some reason, this annoys the shit out of me.

I'd like to say that that is not the reason we broke up. It barely even figured into it, as far as I can remember. I'm not saying that there wasn't any drug use, just that it had pretty much zip to do with the breakup of the band.

The main reason (aside from personality conflicts) was this: we had some very fundamental differences in what we wanted to do musically.

Erich was in favor (and in hindsight, he was probably right) of “giving the people what they want”. All the kids that came to our shows really wanted the “big riff” so they could get sick in the pit and hurt each other, and he was perfectly happy with that. Except for the part about hurting each other…we were very “Fugazi” about that and stopped a lot of shows when fights broke out.

The rest of us wanted to be “artists” and “express ourselves musically”. Again, hindsight (or maybe cynicism) tells me that we were probably foolish.

So, we gave him the boot and changed the name of the band to Slower, which was a play on Slayer. We wrote a bunch of new tunes and did a couple more tours. We added a second bass player (Mikey Welch, who later was in Weezer for an album) and I took over vocals.

We did one tour billed as Stompbox still, and used that to introduce the “new sound” to people who were into Stompbox. Some people liked it more, some liked it less. Then one more tour just as Slower.

On one of those tours we played with Jesus Lizard at Peabody’s in Cleveland…David Yow drank me under the table and then went out and played their show. I guess he’s got what’s called an “iron constitution”…Ha! I was so tanked I had to pass out in our van after about two Jesus Lizard songs. Good times!

After those two tours, we just sort of imploded.

Stompbox B Sides and Etc

2008-12-17T08:52:00.000-08:00

Here's some more Stompbox.

A version of "Beer Slide" we did while we were recording "Stress" for a potential b-side. I thought this version was okay, but the "Travis" version was better.

Also a cover of Tree's "Question Abuse" from the same sessions. Erich was a little iffy on the rhythms, if you ask me. Still, pretty entertaining. Tree's version was bettah. Wicked hahd.

A cover of GangGreen's "Alcohol" that we recorded with Evan Seinfeld of Biohazard producing. These days Evan is putting his (ahem) "talents" to use in the porn industry. Biohazard or porn, I'm not sure which is more creepy.

A live recording of "Saltpeterexitwound" from a show we did in San Francisco, I think at the Trocadero, if that's how you spell it.

Eventually, if anyone out there in cyberspace is actually interested, I'm going to digitize the whole "Travis" ep and put it up here.

Don't mind me, I don't live here

Time to Train That Potty

2008-12-17T07:14:00.000-08:00

The two year old is ready, but not willing. She holds it for hours. ...and hours. Finally, she goes.

And boy, does she GO! The diaper that can keep up with the torrential flood of pee that she unleashes has not been invented. Instant breakthrough, all the clothes soaked, running down the leg, even getting into her shoes.

This is what I call a good time.

So far, she has flatly refused to use the potty. Actually, that's not exactly true. She LOVES to sit on it for what seems like hours on end, but won't actually go until she's off it.

This also qualifies as fun for me.

Psycho-Tec 4 track demos

2008-12-10T07:50:00.000-08:00

Back in either 85 or 86 I was briefly in a band called Psycho-Tec.

The band was the brainchild of Kerwin Kain (I'm nearly sure that's spelled wrong, but with a name like that I guess he's used to it) who was at the time the funkiest man I knew. Since I've never met George Clinton or Bootsy or Prince or Johnny Guitar Watson or James Brown, I guess he probably still is the funkiest man I know.

Psycho-Tec was a sort of mix of early Funkadelic trippiness mixed with punk rock, and played mainly on synthesizers. These demos are Kerwin's 4 track versions of the songs, and I'm fairly sure are performed entirely with a modified Sequential Circuits Drumtracks (or maybe it was a TOM) drum machine and a Korg Poly 61 or maybe a Poly 6. Actually now that I think about it, it might have been a Roland Juno 106. I can't remember exactly. I'm also pretty sure that these demos are all Kerwin, with a little of Jeff Biegert, and maybe some of Kerwin's roomate Butch too.

The actual live band ended up being Kerwin, Krishna Venkatesh, Jeff Biegert, Peter Moore, Will Ragano, and me, though I only played in the band for the first show at Chet's Last Call. In the band I played my friend and bandmate Krishna's Sequential Circuits Pro-1 synth, and covered mainly basslines, and other one-note-at-a-time parts, what with the Pro-1 being monophonic.

Now Kerwin not only played some of the synth parts and sang, but he was also a bass player, and at the time I felt like if there was going to be any actual (not synth) bass playing done, that I should do it. This was, as it turns out, completely unreasonable because Kerwin not only SMOKED me as a bass player, but I also wasn't anywhere nearly enough aquainted with funk (and I'm not talking about slapping) to even know how MUCH he smoked me.

In the end, I think I was feeling a little bruised, and Kerwin was probably feeling like "what the fuck, this is my band, and I'm going to play the bass parts...particularly since that guy can't even play the parts right!" So after the first show, we parted ways. I think he had Krishna come over to tell me I was out, but I remember feeling like I was ready to quit. You know, "You can't fire me, I quit!" That sort of thing.

Psycho-Tec ended up being a really great band, but they didn't last particularly long. Eventually the other guys in the band parted ways with Kerwin, added another guy named Paul Lanctot and formed a band called Think Tree.

For me, being in a band with Kerwin was both vaguely humiliating and highly instructional. I thought back then that I was "THE SHIT" and it was a real eye opener for me to have my ass handed to me. I ended up really digging into listening to real funk (ie not the Red Hot Chili Peppers) and learning a lot, and because of it I became a much better player.

I still feel a little twinge of embarrassment when I think back to the rehearsal where I was trying to cop the bass part on the song "25" and Kerwin standing there with his psychedelic homemade bass playing it over and over for me, and I was playing it wrong over and over back to him. I can't imagine what he was thinking. Well, actually I can. And it still makes me feel like a chump.

I haven't seen or heard from Kerwin in years, but in the back of my mind it kind of annoys me to think that he probably still thinks of me as the guy who couldn't play that bass part right.

The quality of this tape is fairly lame, and one song drops out in the middle for a bit. I don't know where else you'd ever hear this stuff though, so here it is in all of it's lo fi funky glory.

Open Your Mind

When I grow up...

2008-12-09T08:04:00.000-08:00

My two year old says she wants to be an elf when she grows up. Either that or a pirate. I think it depends on her mood.

Clearly I've lost my musical taste.

2008-12-08T15:11:00.000-08:00

I don't know why, but I love this band. I know positively that I should HATE them.

I'm in a cooking rut.

2008-12-08T14:57:00.001-08:00

I feel like I've been making the same tired recipes over and over. ...and over. Mind you, the end result is great tasting food, but I'm getting sick of them. I've been thinking about cooking something with seitan in it, just so I could say it out loud.

Plus, since I've foolishly moved away from Boston/Cambridge, I'm shit outta luck when it comes to good Indian or Thai or Vietnamese eatin' establishments. I'm not saying there aren't ethnic eateries around town here, but I AM saying they all, with the pleasant exception of a couple top notch Japanese/Korean places, pretty much suck.

Stompbox on YouTube

2008-12-08T07:12:00.000-08:00

Here's a collection of the old rawk band as found on YouTube.

No Woods

Jake Song

The Making of Pump

Beer Slide

Forever in Blue Jeans

Jake Song at College Fest 94

Early Version of Kick Out the Assholes, some of Chevy S-10

Placer - Summer

2008-12-08T06:03:00.000-08:00

I played steel guitar in this band, and on this album. There's a ton of steel on nearly every song, but it doesn't usually sound like a steel guitar is "supposed" to sound.

It was Andrew Schneider's band after Barbaro and Slughog, but before he got too busy producing.

I moved away from Boston right after we recorded it in 2002.

Milligram had just broken up, so Jeff (Milligram bassist, Stompbox guitarist) was available to take my spot on steel. I was happy that he could do it, since I was pretty sure that there wasn't another steel player in Boston that would be into this sort of band.

I'm fairly sure that this band isn't around anymore, but it was Andrew's thing, so I suppose there's a chance he'll start it back up.

Don't worry, it's not country.

You'll shoot your eye out, kid.

2008-12-08T05:57:00.000-08:00

My six year old child is suddenly on her best behavior. I wonder if it has anything to do with Christmas...

Stompbox - Stress

2008-12-07T12:01:00.001-08:00

Many moons ago, I played bass in this band. This was released in 1994 on Columbia.

Children are Reasonable

2008-12-06T12:18:00.000-08:00

My two year old is completely reasonable. The six year old too.

Peeling Asparagus Is My Bag, Baby.

2008-12-05T10:12:00.000-08:00

I just can't get enough of peeling asparagus. With the possible exception of handling raw chicken, I can't think of a kitchen task I enjoy more.

Shall we bring up the spargel for discussion at least once more?

Look at me!

2008-12-04T16:31:00.001-08:00

I'm a dick. I have nothing to say. Do you have a problem with that? Well, do you?